Stray Thoughts

An experiment.

Coherence eludes me.

The channels of thought of creativity of logical plans and wild dreams and something else and else and else

are all tangled up.

The undertow threatens.

I feel its drag drag drag pulling me under the ebb and flow of

pain

always there, sometimes a rising tide, sometimes a waning moon.

I must remember to pick up more bananas.

New Year’s not-quite resolutions

out the window before the first

light through mist softening the edges of

doesn’t really matter but

Yes, that’s right! Brilliant my darling, it is a tractor - look at it go! Look at you go!

a burst of miraculous universe clothed in primary colours

lifts me and

I marvel.

Such magic.

I’ll always find the energy for you.

Even when it h u r t s.

(Why does it have to hurt?)

Is this jumper going to be warm enough today? Maybe another layer, just in case.

What are these stars, dancing before my eyes?

A migraine? Or

ideas and plans and dreams and

nightmares and not stars but explosions but

not here but yes here because there is here

not us but yes us because they are us because

aren’t we all here and now and nothing and everything and

Shopping list - check

Packing list - check

To do list - check

List of lists - check

Oh damn, I forgot the washing.

Awareness and Acceptance haunt me like friendly ghosts

extending a gentle invitation to the

chaos

of brain and body and heart and soul and

what is a human anyway?

Defiance doesn’t want to RSVP.

The world is too big and so small and

I am bursting with so much but not enough -

are we ever enough?

Just look at what we made!

I’m not crying, you’re crying

no wait, it is me, after all

but I don’t know if the tears are happy or sad or just because it hurts or just because there is

so much of

e v e r y t h i n g.

What a weird and wonderful thing

to be human.

To dream whilst awake.

To act (or not) as we can or will or must.

To witness.

To stand.

To crumple.

To survive.

To feel.

There is so much to feel and I don’t know if my multitudes are enough.

Did you want a snack, my love?

Coherence eludes me.